There goes Peter Cottontail............................

This Easter, malls across the country are changing their marketing plans to accommodate the politically–correct, cultural diversity, all inclusive agenda by erasing out of existence the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny is being renamed the “Spring Bunny”.

Okay, I guess when the Spring holidays are over you can stash your plastic Spring Bunnies and baskets in the attic with your artificial Holiday tree.

What punk-assed fuckshit is coming up with these ideas? What’s next, the Celebration Candelabra (menorah)? * Menorah: The Menorah was the ancient representation of the Hebrews and is one of the oldest symbols of the Jewish people. It symbolizes the burning bush as seen by Moses on Mount Sinai.

I personally broke ranks with the Easter tradition in my family. Easter for a lot of Southern Baptists seemed to me to be a fashion show. Everyone paraded to church in their new Easter outfits, matching handbags, shoes, and hats for the Ladies, new suits for the men, Easter dresses for the little girls, and new Easter suits for the little boys. God help you if you managed to get you brand new Easter suit dirty. I know from experience.


The worst part of the whole affair, besides wearing a brand new, itchy monkey suit, had to be the mandatory Easter speeches. Standing up in front of the church and reciting an Easter speech from memory was a recurring mightmare for me. These speeches seem to get longer and longer every year, for some kids that is. If you were a precocious child, like I was, by the age of nine you were reciting whole soliloquies, like I was. Some kids said the same line every year regardless of their age- “Jesus rose on Easter morn”, and when I mentioned to the adults that the whole affair was for their prideful appreciation- I was immediately beat down. After I became an adult, my Mother would laugh about it and tell me I was right and agreed with me not continuing that part of the tradition.

The only thing that kept all the kids going through the whole ordeal was the Easter egg hunt and the huge Easter baskets we knew were waiting at home after church. My Mother and Aunts bought empty baskets and made them up for all the kids- they were great big baskets filled with little toys and chocolate eggs and generally one big ass chocolate bunny. Two kinds of baskets were made by my Mother and Aunts, one for the boys, one for the girls, yeah, gender specific, and we liked it that way.

My Mother’s family was huge. They lived in the country and were country. The Easter egg hunts were something to behold. For starters, the kids would be herded into the house and kept away from the windows, didn’t make much of a difference considering the back field was a little over ten acres and without a clear line of sight from the house due to a big stand of trees. Once my uncles were sure all the kids were accounted for, yeah, my cousin and I were the reason for accounting for all the kids after we hid in the woods one year to see where the eggs were being hid, they would hide about 50 dozen colored eggs.


There were three levels of difficulty in which the eggs were hidden, easy to find for the smaller kids, harder to find for the older kids, and damned hard to find for the smartass kids- like me and my cousin. It was a great time. So, in spite of the church torture, The Easter bunny brings back fond memories for me. When my children were younger I did the Easter egg hunt thing with them, not on the scale of my childhood, they loved it, and they didn’t have to sit through three hours of torture. Celebrating Easter with the Easter Bunny is basically for the kids. It’s their innocent time, before they get older and have to face the realities of what Christ had to go through dying for our sins.

One large mall in the metro Atlanta area decided after announcing the name change that they would not be changing the name- after the complaints started rolling in, and the threats not to shop for Easter there grew. Let’s look at this thing from a business point of view, take away the sentiment. Okay, those offended and or not interested in the Easter celebration as it has been going on for generations in the south were not buying any of the products associated with the Easter celebration in the first place. Why in the world would a business possibly alienate the people that actually bought the products they sold during Easter by changing the name of the Easter Bunny. Stupid decision, politically correct, but stupid.

Screw the Spring Bunny, screw the people that have reasoned we need to change its name, screw Holiday trees, and let’s quit walking on egg shells and at the least keep some of our traditions- I did.

Later’